"You are too hard on yourself, Amber."
This is a common statement made by my closest friends. You know what, they are not wrong (to some degree).
And I want to share with you the reason why I am a wee bit hard on myself as well as how I flip it to actually HELP me (not harm me).
Unlike your closest friends or even strangers you follow on social media, you only see glimpses of what they are doing, no? It's not like everyone is showing you everything!
You don't see them scrolling for ten minutes on TikTok watching videos while supposedly on the "potty". You don't see them reaching for a pint of ice cream once the kids go to sleep instead of focusing on their wellness goals.
You don't see ANY of that... which I think can hurt us to some degree but also gives us compassion for when friends or folks simply tell us, "I'm doing my best but I'm struggling."
Because we don't see ALL of their actions... we FEEL their words. And we relate.
However, on the flip side to this. I SEE all my actions, just like YOU see all of your actions.
I see the staying up late watching ONE MORE episode with the hubster instead of shutting it down for the night and catching some zzz's. I see the "Oh, I'll just have one or two fries"... when I know it doesn't track in my macros (which I'm focusing on THIS SEASON to reach a certain endurance training goal).
You don't see that, but I do. I see all the behind-the-scene actions I am taking which may or may not be helping me reach my goals.
So, yes. My reason for being a wee bit hard on myself is because I don't FEEL the words or the impact of the emotions like when a friend tells you their reasonings... instead I'm acutely aware of my actions (or lack thereof).
Now, this isn't a good thing or a bad thing, it simply is.
When I feel like I'm being extra hard on myself for being too lax towards my goal, there's an exercise I follow. It's a bit tricky so hopefully you can follow along.
Sometimes, it is best to see these steps in an example form. Let's use a personal goal of mine which is to run a hundred miles within twenty-four hours. I must be nuts.
Now, this is just a weird example of what it looked like as I was gearing up to train for a goal I set for myself. The key thing to note is: it was NOT all about the hustling.
Notice, I didn't focus right off the bat with running 24 hours straight or even running 2-3 hours straight. The focus was on the baseline with bite-size goals and daily habits... it's all about just 1% which compounds over time.
By focusing on 1% each and every day, the overall goal of running 100 miles does not seem so daunting. Because I know if I continue to focus on simply doing my best each and every day focused on the daily habits of the person I am striving to be... it will come to fruition.
So, yes. I realize that at times I can be hard on myself... like most folks probably are to some degree. However, the reason why I am hard on myself is because I see "behind the scenes" or my day-to-day habits.
And if my habits are not helping me strive to be the vision I see for myself or get me closer to my goal, well, I stop and flip the focus to what can I do TODAY to get me 1% closer...
It's not about the "GO BIG or GO HOME" mentality or hustling every single day. Identify the goal/person you want to be - chunk it down into bite-size pieces AND take action every day (just 1%) to get there.
And try not to compare your journey with someone else's, especially someone's social media feed... that's just a highlight reel + you can't see behind-the-scenes... we are all just trying to do our best + reach our goals.
You got this. I believe in you.
Grit + Gumption.